Surviving the Storm

“If you want to know what it’s like to survive hell and still come out shining brighter than the sun, just look into the eyes of a woman who has survived intense damage and refused to allow it to destroy her softness.”  Powerful words that hit close to home. Never would I have imagined that I would be 45 and divorced after 20 years of marriage; a rocky marriage that ultimately ended in a cowardice act of domestic violence. I was left to finish raising two amazing children that didn’t deserve to be catapulted into the great abyss of uncertainty.  One thing was for certain. I could not fail my kids. That single revelation kept me going, and prevented me from giving up even on days when I wanted nothing more than to give up, give in, and give out. I spent many sleepless nights afraid to go to sleep because the fear of drifting off and reliving that near fatal moment that could have ended my life was too great. I functioned on a couple of hours a sleep a night. I would go to work with a smile on my face. Neither my co-works, nor my clients knew of the turmoil that was going on inside of me.  I had to keep it together because if I didn’t work, my kids didn’t eat. I’m sure that was probably not the best way to handle it. Keeping up the facade was exhausting to say the least.  I would find myself in the recliner after work totally exhausted. I was blessed to have a tight circle that refused to let me slip into darkness. We would spend countless hours in the Mexican restaurant talking about my feelings and drinking margaritas. I began to encourage my children to open up discuss their thoughts and feelings. I’m glad my children were older, 18 and 15, at the time of the divorce. They fully understood everything that was going on, and was able to process the situation. If I had one regret, it would be that my children had to go through such a traumatic emotional experience. They watched me struggle emotionally and financially, but they never saw me give up. I learned that the storm will eventually run out of rain. Been through the storm…I survived.